"Review"

So, after two months, my boss gave me the results of my "review." 2 pages full of negative things. Not a single positive one. 13 out of the 16 things on there, we'd already discussed. 1 of the remaining 3, I'd no idea I was in charge of. In the 9 months (wow, it's nine months TODAY) I've been here, no one has had one nice thing to say about me other than "Your cookies are good." 2 pages of criticism and she can't throw in a "Hey, thanks for completing reorganizing the mail station, it was a shithole before you got here"? Hmm.

So, in a big EFF OFF to my employer (not really, more like a way to keep myself from feeling too shitty), here are 16 things about me that are FUCKING AWESOME. I don't care if this makes me a snot. I spent half the evening crying and wondering why I suck at everything so much, so AYHSMB.

1. I'm a really good cook and baker. I make awesome food. My NICE coworkers tell me how fantastic my cookies are. John's classmates started calling me the Boalt Cookie Fairy; people I met for the first time say "Oh! I've had your cookies/muffins/etc! They were awesome!"
2. I don't own a car, am vegan, have reduced my trash output at home and at the office to half of what it used to be, give money to homeless people, try to buy non-sweatshop and second hand clothing, shop at local stores more instead of ordering online (eff you Amazon), and in general I give a shit about the world around me.
3. I volunteer.
4. I'm pretty cute. I have healthy hair, nice big eyes, and my calves are looking pretty hot.
5. I could beat any of my coworkers at a bike or foot race and laugh while doing it.
6. I bring in baked goods to work, even when I don't need tester recipe feedback.
7. I always bring 2 or 3 dishes to company potlucks.
8. For Christmas, I compiled all of the positive comments that the techs had gotten from customer surveys over the last year, and put it all into individual Christmas cards for them. (No one said a damn thing about it.)
9. I organized/cleaned: the mail station, the supply cabinets, my desk, the empty cubicles/storage spaces, the cabinets, and the fridge. It was a pit before I started working here.
10. I try to help my friends/fam out as much as possible. Sometimes I'm a spaz and forget things but I always try to make it right.
11. I make people laugh. And not always at me.
12. I donated money this year to several different causes, both animal rights and humanitarian.
13. I organized a food drive at work. Doing another one in June.
14. I knit things for people.
15. I listen.
16. I KICK ASS AND TAKE NAMES.